The idea of marriage being a truly and sincerely equal partnership is a revolutionary idea and comes from a unique belief system. In past generation, the husband was considered above the wife. Currently, this can still be the case in some homes, but so can the wife being over the husband. But, most importantly, marriage can now be seen as more of a relationship of equality rather than one of dominance and submission. This is more of a religious view on marriage and can especially be seen in LDS or "Mormon" culture and it is quite contrary to the practices of many other cultures of the world.
Creating a marriage of equality takes significant hard work because it is rising above natural tendencies towards structured leadership or dominance (this is seen many animal species, in the food chain, in business, in government, etc). However, it can be a refining process. You learn to become more submissive or outspoken (depending on which end of the spectrum you are on to begin with) and charitable.
As a quick side note, something interesting that one of my classmates said regarding same-sex marriage is that males and females are like puzzle pieces, you can't fit the same pieces together (a hole won't attach to a hole and a peg won't attach to a peg)! I won't elaborate more on this topic because it is so controversial, but I thought that was a very profound analogy that really makes sense. We are designed to choose a mate of the opposite sex.
One of the best ways of creating unity is through counseling, and I don't mean going to see a marriage counselor. The council method is used by the leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and their model can be applied to marriages, families, or any situations that require coming to a consensus. The goal of the council method (for the leadership of the church), is discussing a topic to consensus regarding the Lord's will. They open with a prayer to invite the Spirit in order to receive inspiration, to facility love from unity, and to get everyone focused. Next, the agenda of the meeting is laid out so that everyone knows what will be talked about and to prepare them for discussion. What follows is the discussion. I will not do the process justice, so here is a video describes what happens very well: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtwpPT1QQQE&feature=feedwll&list=WL.
The key is that everyone has a say and they continue around the circle until everyone agrees. The meeting is then closed with a prayer to solidify the proceedings and give thanks to God. Afterwards, a treat is always provided. This is because eating together bonds people, opens them up to each other, allows them to reconnect, and lightens the mood. Another thing to note is that before the meeting begins, the brethren take time chatting and expressing love an appreciation for one another, which helps create unity and love and starts the meeting on a good note.
The council method does not have to be religious for those who are not. The same principles can be applied to anybody or any discussion. Make sure that everyone involved feels loved. Have an agenda. Let everyone share their opinion and go around the group doing so until everyone has agreed (it may take a long time!). Then, take time to enjoy a treat together afterwards so that you can reconnect and lighten the mood back up. My roommates and I used the counsel method to discuss issues we were having regarding house work. By far, that was the best group discussion I have ever been in and it greatly outshines any previous roommate meetings I have had. I felt like we were all friends and loved each other before hand and was able to keep that in mind throughout the meeting. Everyone was given an opportunity to share their thoughts, ideas, and feelings until we all agreed on what needed to be done to fix the problems. By the end of the meeting, we all left happy and united and more willing to do future meetings (quite the contrary to my past experiences!).
I know that love and unity is important in any relationships, but especially in marriages and families. The world would be so much different if husbands and wives always worked as equal partners and if the council method was used to resolve issues. I bear my testimony that, as the hymn "Love at Home" states, there truly is "beauty all around. . . joy in every sound. . . [and] peace and plenty. . . when there's love at home."
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