Crucibles

A crucible, for those who don't know, is something that is used to separate impurities from metals. It makes it possible to remove the impurities and to mix something else in to make the metal stronger. Likewise, there are difficult experiences we go through both individually and as families that, if approached properly, can be crucible experiences that solidify and strengthen our characters and bonds.

To put things into perspective, if we go through an extremely trying experience, we can either view it as a miserable experience or a crucible experience. A miserable experience is viewed individually under the context "Why me?" or "It's not fair!/It's not right!". A crucible experience, however, is viewed as more of a paired, family, or collective experience where we are no longer alone or blaming/accusing. It can allow cheerfulness because of the changes and learning that occurs, which can be seen as "little miracles" or "tender mercies" because we purposefully look for the good.

A good point to note, however, is that the crucible (trial) is not the change, we are. We can't just sit and wait it out, we have to do something to change. Also, the purposes of family are often accomplished with really difficult things that we have to go through together. Finally, we must recognize that there is opposition in all things: trials bring appreciation for blessings; difficulties bring true happiness, if we maintain the proper perspective.

When I am going through difficult times I try to maintain a good perspective. Granted, I wine and complain and ask "Why me?" But, at some point, I take a step back and think: "What am I meant to learn from this?" or "How can I become a better person through this trial?" I would encourage everyone to do the same! It helps so much to see a trial not as a punishment, but as an opportunity for learning and growth! You'll have a happier, less bitter life if you can maintain an eternal perspective and continually shoot for the long-term goal of a happy, fulfilling life filled with love, forgiveness, and personal development.

Work

So, just to start off, here's a little fun fact: the most common source of contention between newly-wed spouses is the division of housework and other tasks around the home (it continues through the first 5 years).

Work is actually more beneficial to a relationship, such as marriage or family, than play. All work and no play makes one ill-prepared for adult life and more self-centered because the goal in playing is to win. By focusing on play as a means of connecting with family members, parents may rob their children of the opportunity to develop good work habits. People connect more through work than play because you learn to truly love someone when you're focused on their needs rather than your own.

We should view work as a blessing, rather than a curse. Work has a greater capacity to bind families as they focus on doing something meaningful and important. Menial tasks (those that require little expertise or intense concentration) provide opportunities for children to contribute to the family in meaningful ways.

However, managing our homes like businesses, with an emphasis on being economically prudent and efficient, often results in diminishing the likelihood of strengthening families. This is because the quickest way to get things done is by spreading people out and giving out assignments. The smartest way to get things done is to have them work together. This allows them to help each other, talk, laugh, and connect.

One final note: the father sets the example for work in the home. On page 222 of Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives (Hawkins et al.), it states: " A father who assumes responsibility for a single significant daily task, such as washing dishes, and actively gathers his children to help him, is a powerful example of partnership and service within his home." I can attest to this because when I was living at home I was the most motivated to do the work my siblings and I were told to do when my dad was willing to work with us.

So, as a wrap up, if you want to draw closer together as a family, work together, don't just play together!